In the Summer of 2012, I fought side by side with a vet from this very hospital to save his life. We tried so hard, but whatever was sapping his life away would not relent. Reilly was so very tired. He was so weary. I made the decision that it was time. The vet nodded and left the room. She returned with a green blanket with yellow dots and wrapped it around him snugly and pulled out 2 syringes from her pocket. It may have been one. I really don’t remember. She told me that it will be completely painless, just like falling asleep. She asked if I was ready and I nodded.
My thoughts have been on Reilly more so lately.
I cradled his head in the palm of my hands so that ours noses were inches apart and we were staring in each other's eyes. Reilly had always made such intense eye contact and this was no different. It was in this fashion that I watched him leave. At that moment, I said four words that nobody outside of that room knows. I know the doctor heard it because there were tears in her eyes too. Its important to share that when they leave, a little bit of them remains with you, but more importantly they take a little of you with them too. I have always wondered if the vet ever stood up for me during these current events; having been in the presence of that moment, knowing me in that moment. Afterward, when it was time to grieve, I could always look up in the clouds and make out the shape of his face. I could always see him in the clouds. As I got better, I would see him less. This evening I was able to see him clearly once again.
When this is over, I will reveal what those four words were and you will understand the significance.
My thoughts have been on Reilly, and I think his thought are on me too.